How to Babysit Tony Stark According to Darcy Lewis
by MissingMyMind
Summary: Just a day in the life of Darcy Lewis, Personal Assistant Extraordinaire as she deals with Tony. Takes place shortly after 'Spark'.


"I am going to kill that man!" Darcy fumed as she paced the cramped space of the elevator. It was early on a Sunday, nearly 9 o'clock, and she was on her way up to one of the top floors of the tallest buildings in New York. Avengers Tower, to be exact. Her mission? Beat the living shit out of one genius, billionaire, playboy, philanthropist. Also known occasionally as Tony Stark. She knew it wouldn't be easy to work for the man, but she can say that she was not expecting to be babysitting a 5 year old. Which really, that man was a constant exercise for controlling her temper. How was it that he could build all he did, save the world like he did, without batting an eye, but he would run away from a simple meeting?

"l do advise that you resist threatening Sir," came the robotic voice of JARVIS, the resident AI from the speaker above her. "The system may register it as a serious matter and forcibly remove you from the property." Darcy scowled and gave the nearest camera the stink eye.

"Can't you turn that off for a bit, buddy," she asked sweetly, "I really want to give Tony a piece of my mind. This is the THIRD TIME I have had to reschedule this meeting, and it's really starting to look bad for him. I swear it is in his own interest!"

"Very well, Miss Lewis," the AI sighed. You know a situation is getting bad when Stark's own inventions agree to turn a blind eye to his potential demise.

"Excellent!" she crowed, cracking her knuckles as the door slid open with a ding.

"ANTHONY OWEN STARK, IF YOU DO NOT GET YOUR ASS DRESSED TO IMPRESS WITHIN THE NEXT 15 MINUTES, I AM COMING IN THERE AND KICKING YOUR ASS," she hollered, stepping into the lounge.

"My middle name isn't Owen," Tony grumbled as he stumbled out of his bedroom minutes later, definitely NOT dressed to impress in his boxers and little else. "And since when do you get to threaten me with bodily harm? Don't I have a program to prevent that?"

"Well Sir, since you hired me as your PA," she replied icily, throwing the nearest object at him, which happened to be a glass sitting on the bar beside her. It hit Tony with a thunk before falling to the carpet.

"Ow!" he cried, rubbing his injured arm.

"And since your AI seems to agree with me, he was kind enough to shut down the protocol for a little bit," she added smugly, "which let's me do this!" This time she threw a salt shaker at him, hitting him square in the forehead.

"Abuse! Abuse!" he called out, hiding behind the couch. "JARVIS!" he cried out as she nailed him with a pillow.

"I am sorry Sir, but it seems my safety protocol has been temporarily disabled," JARVIS said, not sounding sorry at all.

"Traitor!" Tony shot back, flailing at the pillow Darcy kept flinging at him.

"Do you surrender?" she hit him once more, releasing the last of her pent up rage.

"Uncle! Uncle!"

She threw the pillow to the side and sighed, "Do I really need to march you to your room and dress you myself, or are you capable of acting your age?" She knew it was a mostly rhetorical question as Tony never acted his age, even at the best of times. In response, he stuck his tongue out and retreated to his room.

"JARVIS, please set a timer for fifteen minutes from now," she asked, loud enough that Tony would be able to hear her from the other room.

"Slave driver!" he yelled. "You're even more violent that Pepper."

"You wouldn't listen to me at all if I wasn't! I don't know how she makes you listen," she called back, hands resting on her hips.

"She can deny me sex," he bemoaned, re-entering the room, this time dressed in a three piece suit. His hair was still a mess, but she figured it could be passed off as stylishly messy.

"Right, of course," she rolled her eyes, "ready?" He opened his mouth to answer, but she cut him off before he could say anything. "Doesn't matter, let's go." She forcefully pushed him over to the open elevator door.

"How the hell is this my life?" she muttered to herself as she followed Tony into the elevator.


End file.
